29 Aug
2014
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Dreading and Needing School to Begin

Children in silhoutte racing toward a sunset

The start of school leaves me emotionally unraveling every single year.

Boy holding three captured crawfish

I loathe that summer is coming to a close, but I desperately want just a few moments of daylight hours to myself. It’s obvious the kids and I could use a break from each other. They’ve started bickering and picking at each other. I have lost all motivation to accomplish anything productive like getting out of bed and fixing breakfast. I need school to start, so I’m forced into a routine. Our free-flowing summer lifestyle has run its course.

Three brothers hiking on a mountain road

In two weeks though, I’ll want the kids back. I’ll be back accomplishing tasks because I’ll have places to be and obligations to uphold. I will have returned to my more adult self having been able to hold a conversation without any noise in the background, and drink a cup of coffee while it’s still morning. I’ll miss the kids and be jealous of their teachers who get to see them during the day.

Boy swimming in a pond on an innertube

I want every little thing in two different ways.

I want the kids to go back to their teachers and to the experience of school they enjoy, BUT I don’t want to be left out of it all.

I want the kids to start the activities they’ve missed, BUT I don’t want to take anyone anywhere at any specific time.

I don’t want the boys to eat school lunch, BUT I don’t want to deal with them making lunches every day or providing what needs to be stocked in the house for that to happen.

I know getting back to an actual set bedtime will be good for us, BUT that means I actually have to pay attention to the clock enough to get people in bed on time.

Our oldest starts junior high next week. That’s not helping with my emotional stability.

Rainbow and storm clouds as seen from the Casper Mountain overlook

I’ve enjoyed these three months with my crew at home — not every minute, but us together with very few obligations is my ideal lifestyle. I’m more content when I can plan places to visit and activities to do with my four without worries of school or activities. I adore slow mornings where sleepy heads stumble into the kitchen when they’re ready to wake up, not when they have to. I cherish longer conversations with each of the kids to connect in a way that’s impossible when people are going from one thing to another thing and then another.

Indian Paintbrush in a mountain field

We’ve made many memories, shared new experiences, and spent loads of quality time together. I know, for my family, that time is cherished because we know life will now be busier. I sense the need for change, structure and even a little busy is what’s needed to make the next break something to cherish.

 

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