8 Apr
2015
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Caught Off Guard by Adulthood

Dad and four walking in a field

I spent spring break last week being easily distracted by my children. They wanted to go to a park multiple times. We went. They wanted to paint. We did. They wanted a movie marathon. We sat for hours watching movies, which is a true indulgence at this house. I soaked in the best part of being able to work from home: being with my children.

It wasn’t all roses and butterflies. There were thorns during the week. I have a tween who knows the quickest way to annoy me and also the slowest way. A movie marathon fit for children ranging in age from 5-12 required a family debate and fell short of me taking the right to democracy away and picking the movies myself. The week had issues, but the big picture showed a week well-spent.

I woke up Monday realizing I was a bit too distracted last week. I’ve dug myself an adult-sized hole of responsibilities that had been pushed to the side. I started the week stressed. I came home Monday night after a long meeting to face a pile of school notes from the boys. Middle school track and field season started yesterday. There’s an upcoming out-of-town state competition. Multiple forms needed to be signed. Checks needed writing. Calendars needed updated. Yesterday had its own problems, with a misplaced sports physical, non-returned phone calls and a ridiculous track pick-up situation. Side note on parking: Don’t park where it’s yellow, in an intersection, in front of a fire hydrant or covering a crosswalk. Parking rage is a real condition.

This adult thing is no joke and unrelenting. I’ve sat through multiple meetings and conversations with both adults and children wondering how I came to be at this place. I’ll hear the question, “What do you think?” and wonder why I keep getting asked that. I think I want a nap, or a few hours of uninterrupted reading, or maybe both. I don’t know what direction we should go in, how best to handle any situation, or how to mend a broken heart. I’m just winging this and praying for the best. I don’t feel prepared for this adult life I lead. I forget I’m 38 and no longer a teenager. I have responsibilities: a mortgage, a car payment, a job, a husband, and children. I know I’ve had decades leading up to this, but at times, I feel plopped into an adult world I don’t belong in.

Almost 13 years into parenting and I’m still shocked my kids think I know everything or can fix everything, or know what I’m doing. I’m surprised when people seek out my opinion or ask me to be involved in civic duties whether for a school, a church or the community. I know I have gifts and talents to contribute to certain tasks. There are times though when I want to say, “I can’t help you. You should ask an adult.” I don’t feel adult enough at times. I’m caught off guard by just how adult I’ve become. If only there was time for a nap.

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1 Comment

  • Lovely:). And a bit too true!