19 Feb
2016
Posted in: parenting
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Wading through Adulthood

rural road and mountains near Whiskey Mountain in Wyoming

At times, I feel I missed my calling as an actress. I’m playing the part of an educated, well-spoken, involved mother of four. In reality I’m an overwhelmed, potty-mouthed, tired person masquerading as an adult.

I honestly have no clue how all of this adultness manifested itself.  One day I was sitting in a college statistics class and now I’m in meetings discussing community-wide issues and education policies and referring to stakeholders and best practices. One choice led to another and to another and now I’m this reliable, happy-to-help adult, but the gig is up.

I want to stay in bed in the morning…every morning. I feel feeding my family of six, dropping off and picking up everyone on time to various activities and school and providing clean laundry is more than enough for one person to accomplish each day. Emails, phone calls, and anything that requires a decision to be made have overloaded my system. There’s always something, and most of our somethings, as of late, are more unpleasant than pleasant. Life can come up all roses or you may just be looking at a plot of dirt. I’m in a dirt-filled phase.

I’m grateful for our health, my house, our work, my family and that my gripes are small compared to so many. But I’d be remiss to keep pretending and not be real about life. I cope much better when I know I’m not alone. The pressure of adulting is hard to bear at times, and I know I’m not alone.

Every phone call puts me a little on edge. I started floundering two weeks ago with a call from the school nurse. The call ended in stitches for one kid, two doctor visits and a trip to the ER. It’s all a funny story now, but at the time it was a lot needing to be handled right then when there was already a lot being juggled. I’m backlogged in all things adulting: emails, decisions, phone calls, texts, meetings, paperwork. Children require so much paperwork. I want to hide from weekly school folders.

There’s little room for non-family related people currently in this stage of adulthood. Working from home, which has many benefits, leaves me sitting at home alone for large chunks of time. I miss adult people who don’t need me to do anything for them, fill out any form or find any missing item. I believe they are called friends, and one day I will reconnect with these mythical beings.

Life is an imperfect mess with unpleasant tasks mixed with the lovely and memorable. Remember that person you think has everything so well put together might me happy to let down her guard for a moment of real life camaraderie.

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