Tagged with "guilt"
18 Sep
2017
Posted in: parenting
By    Comments Off on Teenagers Deserve More From Adults

Teenagers Deserve More From Adults

Cildren hiking a trail in Idaho

Twice last week I listened to adults rant about teenagers. I heard all about how lazy teens are, how disrespectful, how they lack work ethic, how they dress like slobs and how our future is surely doomed when that lot reaches adulthood and takes over. I listened and silently seethed until the ranting was over. Both times I shared only one thought,” You, obviously, don’t know the right teenagers.”

Right around the time I thought I had a decent grasp of parenting, my oldest became a teenager and all thoughts of parenting competency flew out the window. I’m at the front-line of all things teenager. I live with a freshman in high school and another a few months shy of 13. There are days I feel I know more about what’s happening in the lives of the teenagers I know than about friends my own age. Teenagers can be disrespectful, lazy, and dress poorly. But at the age of 40, I can also be all those things.

I know active teens who keep much busier schedules than most adults I know. They go to school, followed by athletic practice and find time to finish schoolwork. I know some who attend school during the day and work several hours in the evening. There are those who take classes at local high schools and a community college. Then there are those teens who manage a life like one of the above and rely only on their two feet for transportation.

I’m the first to say teens can be annoying with their knowledge of everything. I’ve been on the receiving end of eye rolling, although I’m sure he learned that from me. Not everything I ask is done as quickly as I would like. My definition of organization and that of a freshman in high school are not the same. Communication lines are sometimes a tangled mess, or monosyllabic in nature. Teenagers seem to run on a slightly less-exact form of time than adults. Most days I’m sure I talk only to hear myself speak and must remind certain people that I’m the adult, not the other way around.

Teens can also be inquisitive, funny, caring, hard working, go-getters and more intelligent than they sometimes let on. They are complicated, hormonal-charged adult-like children struggling to keep up with the endless physical changes and social changes that come with growing up. Adults tend to forget all of that when faced with the talking back, attitude and rule breaking. I’m guilty 100 times over for being too hard on our teen. I know I forget when dealing with him how amazing he can be when he’s not busy annoying me. Much of the issues I have with my own teenager is him as much as it is me. I’m tired, hormonal, over-worked, under-appreciated and grouchy at times. I have no idea how to raise a teen or guide his path while still giving him ample room to both falter and soar. It’s a constant struggle of me treating him like he’s younger than he is while also expecting him to act older than his age. No wonder teenagers push back.

I know there is greatness in those moody world-changers we’re raising. There’s no time for the ranting and bashing on our teenagers who are quickly morphing into young adults. We need to support their goals and dreams, give them ways to channel their ideas and foster their gifts and talents. Finding your way, at whatever age, is not an easy task. Let’s show less judgement and offer more guidance.


 
Broken Bones and Mommy Guilt
By     |    Sep 1, 2016
Posted in: parenting     |    Comments Off on Broken Bones and Mommy Guilt

Broken Bones and Mommy Guilt

Confidence is fleeting in my parenting game. One day I think we’ve got this. The next, Craig and I are looking at each other wondering what we’re supposed to do. This morning I had no clue what to do when a child potentially breaks bones. By this evening, I had it figured out. Almost 14 years into parenting and we had yet to have any child break a bone. The simple act of running ruined that record. Our first-grader was... [Read More]

Read more
Modeling a Heart for Community Service
By     |    Nov 6, 2015
Posted in: parenting     |    Comments Off on Modeling a Heart for Community Service

Modeling a Heart for Community Service

Near the top of my list of things I was not prepared for when it came to motherhood was the degree of mommy guilt I would feel. That guilt settles in, and I struggle shaking it off. I irrationally feel I have to be at everything in order to validate that part of our children’s lives. It’s ridiculous. It’s fine if dad goes to a school party instead of me. Every assembly doesn’t require parental attention. The kids are allowed... [Read More]

Read more
The Christmas Gift of a Good Day
By     |    Dec 17, 2014
Posted in: uncategorized     |    Comments Off on The Christmas Gift of a Good Day

The Christmas Gift of a Good Day

The only things missing from today were rainbows and unicorns. Every nook and cranny of my day was filled to the brim with goodness. I wish I could bottle this feeling for those days when crawling in bed seems the only viable option. I know I shouldn’t feel the need to apologize or justify my good fortune, but I know others whose day fell far short of anything resembling good. I’ve been stuck in lackluster existence lately. There are too... [Read More]

Read more
When Serving Seems Like Taking
By     |    Oct 28, 2014
Posted in: uncategorized     |    Comments Off on When Serving Seems Like Taking

When Serving Seems Like Taking

“You’re always helping and never with us.” Truth from my nine-year-old filled me with guilt, even if “never” was a bit of an exaggeration. We were talking about the upcoming annual fall festival at the elementary school my two youngest boys attend. I was telling them about some of the games and how they’d have to help daddy get costumes together before they came up to the school that night. I’d already be up there helping. That prompted the small... [Read More]

Read more
Story of the Missing Tooth Fairy
By     |    Sep 8, 2014
Posted in: parenting     |    2 Comments

Story of the Missing Tooth Fairy

It was bound to happen. The Tooth Fairy failed to appear last week. I’ve lost track of the number of times the Tooth Fairy has visited our home, but apparently, even she was worn out from the first week of school and the early mornings that came with it. Thankfully, if we were going to fail as parents, we chose the correct child. Our third son is a laid-back, happy-go-lucky, joyful person. C woke up to find our ceramic lost... [Read More]

Read more
Setting an Example for Work Ethic
By     |    Jun 6, 2014
Posted in: parenting     |    Comments Off on Setting an Example for Work Ethic

Setting an Example for Work Ethic

I tend to cannonball right into summer. We’re active, often not at home, and free-spirited with our time. Shortly after summer begins, I realize our home is being neglected. Yes, fun is needed. Of course memory making is important, but weeds also need pulled. Food needs bought and eventually we’ll run out of clean clothes if laundry isn’t washed and dried. Yesterday was a work day at our house, the first real one of the summer. There were groceries to... [Read More]

Read more
Letting Go of Self-Imposed Guilt
By     |    May 8, 2014
Posted in: parenting     |    Comments Off on Letting Go of Self-Imposed Guilt

Letting Go of Self-Imposed Guilt

Most weeks I enjoy having a bigger family. None of those weeks fall in the month of May. I am outnumbered 4-to-1. I’m thankful every day for a husband who is in the parenting trenches with me, but there are several times when two people just aren’t enough to cover scheduling conflicts. The events claiming my time are linked to my favorite people and causes I hold dear. It’s all joy-bringing, fun activities (maybe not the dentist appointments), and I know... [Read More]

Read more
Forced into Spring Cleaning
By     |    Apr 16, 2014
Posted in: projects     |    Comments Off on Forced into Spring Cleaning

Forced into Spring Cleaning

If there’s an upside to having a sick family, it’s being forced to clean house. Walls have been wiped, bedding stripped, pillows washed and furniture disinfected. My sick family gave me reason to start spring cleaning. I actually don’t mind cleaning, so purposefully setting time aside for spring cleaning fits my personality. I find the act of taking care of what’s mine to be rewarding. Cleaning out closets and drawers gives me a natural high. Getting rid of clutter helps... [Read More]

Read more
Battling Mama Guilt with Doing Nothing
By     |    Apr 7, 2014
Posted in: parenting     |    Comments Off on Battling Mama Guilt with Doing Nothing

Battling Mama Guilt with Doing Nothing

Guilt consumes me when dealing with a packed schedule and a never-ending to-do list. I feel like no one is getting my best and nothing is actually being completed with any degree of satisfaction. I would love to crawl under the covers and not come out on most days. It turns out the best way to combat those feels is to do nothing. Each spring one of my book clubs schedules a weekend away from home, spouses, work and children.... [Read More]

Read more
Distracted vs. Busy
By     |    Jan 24, 2014
Posted in: uncategorized     |    3 Comments

Distracted vs. Busy

I decided this year I would make better use of my time. When I began critiquing my choices, it became evident there was a distinction between distracted vs. busy. I feel stretched too thin most days. There’s just not enough of my husband and I to go around, and no safety net of people to fall back on. Life needed to be weeded. Those things which were choking and constraining me while not feeding me in some sense, needed to... [Read More]

Read more