Tagged with "heart"
22 May
2017
Posted in: parenting
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No Ugly Crying for Me

teen earning an award at school

Warning: I’ve become a spontaneous crier. In fairness to myself, I’ve always been a crier, but lately, my tears seemingly flow on a daily basis. I can’t keep them at bay and really have stopped trying. I’ve promised our children I’ll stop myself before I’m at the ugly cry level, but that’s as much as I can pinkie swear about.

Thankfully, the tears are happy(ish) for the most part. We’re finishing up another school year, my ninth as a mom, and transitioning our oldest from middle school to high school. He’s capable and ready for this next step, but I’m struggling with wrapping my head around the idea that we’ll have a freshman in high school in just 10 days. I don’t know how the math even works for this. I don’t feel old enough to be the mother of a high school student, and I’m pretty sure that kid just learned to walk last month. Time is full of nonsense.

I’m grateful for theses healthy, happy, (slightly hormonal) children. They truly are the best gift and also the most aggravating. Recently I ordered a product that came with directions only in Mandarin. Parenting is like trying to figure out how that tech product worked. There’s a lot of guess work, hoping for the best and praying that what I just did won’t ruin everything.

I watch our four kids and my heart might burst simply from them being mine and just existing. Tell me something good about one of them, and I will cry, just ask several people tonight at the 8th grade award ceremony. I cry for equal parts of joy for whatever they’ve accomplished, relief that others see how fantastic they are and sadness that we’re catapulting through this phase of life at warp speed.

I cannot stop the tears. You probably shouldn’t go in for the hug if I look emotional. Hugging triggers my ugly cry reflex, and I don’t want to break my promise.


 
The Thing About Grief
By     |    Mar 24, 2017
Posted in: parenting     |    1 Comment

The Thing About Grief

I picked up our 8th grader from school on Wednesday expecting our normal post-school conversation. The script goes something like this: I ask him to tell me something about his day. He tells me about some meme someone showed him at lunch. I either laugh, or don’t get it and he laughs. He’ll run through his homework list and pick a few small things to discuss. Thus concludes the recap with further items thrown in at random times throughout the... [Read More]

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Act with Abandon
By     |    Sep 26, 2016
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Act with Abandon

If I was an animal, I would dig a hole and hide in it when things were too much. The person that I am copes by huddling my family closer in this home we’ve made together. I want to close the curtains, disconnect the WiFi and pretend it’s just us. Really I’m not coping, just hiding. Eventually I have to come out and actually deal with the world. Life has been heavy the last few weeks. We have too many... [Read More]

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For the Love of Olympics
By     |    Aug 11, 2016
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For the Love of Olympics

Barcelona 1992. That was when my passion for all things Summer Olympics began. I watched everything I could in those pre-Internet days and stood in the grocery store reading magazine article after magazine article devouring every athlete profile tidbit I could. Gail Devers, Jennifer Capriati, Derek Redman and the basketball Dream Team were brought up in conversation as if they were friends of the family. Not much has changed in 22 years. My passion for the Olympics runs deep, and... [Read More]

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Surreal Moments of Mothering
By     |    May 2, 2016
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Surreal Moments of Mothering

Mothering has been a series of surreal moments lately. Last week, I traveled with our oldest and a large group of his 7th grade classmates two hours from our hometown to the University of Wyoming, my alma mater. UW is the only four-year institute in Wyoming. Both Craig and I graduated from there. Much has changed in the decades since we called Laramie and the university home. I was giddy leading up to this field trip. We’ve taken our kids... [Read More]

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Parenting and Advocacy
By     |    Jan 19, 2016
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Parenting and Advocacy

Last week was riddled with heavy parenting. I felt all the feelings from burning anger to heartbroken sadness to mind-numbing frustration. I lost sleep and had to remind myself numerous times that literally pointing my finger at someone or shaking them until I believe they actually understand what’s happening are not acceptable behaviors. There were meetings, emails and phone calls. I shed tears on multiple occasions and listened to one son lament about school in a way no parent wants... [Read More]

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Rise
By     |    Jan 13, 2016
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Rise

I’ve been slow to warm to 2016. Normally new beginnings invigorate me, but this new year finds me tired and sluggish. I feel burdened by decisions and the rigmarole of the day-to-day. My system feels overloaded to the point of shutdown. I’ve struggled the last few weeks with the restart of school to establish a rhythm. Nothing seems to click. I seem to be one step off my game and forcing my way through the daily. I thoroughly enjoyed my... [Read More]

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Come Sit at Our Table
By     |    Dec 1, 2015
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Come Sit at Our Table

I long for invites and unexpected text messages. My heart leaps to know someone has thought of me and asked me to a party, dinner or coffee. Even when I can’t accept an invite, which is more often than not, I like to feel included. I love people but fail to make those outside my day-to-day routine a priority. I work from home, so most days the number of people I see outside my family is close to zero. This... [Read More]

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Modeling a Heart for Community Service
By     |    Nov 6, 2015
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Modeling a Heart for Community Service

Near the top of my list of things I was not prepared for when it came to motherhood was the degree of mommy guilt I would feel. That guilt settles in, and I struggle shaking it off. I irrationally feel I have to be at everything in order to validate that part of our children’s lives. It’s ridiculous. It’s fine if dad goes to a school party instead of me. Every assembly doesn’t require parental attention. The kids are allowed... [Read More]

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Avoiding a School-Induced Panic Attack
By     |    Sep 2, 2015
Posted in: parenting     |    1 Comment

Avoiding a School-Induced Panic Attack

Today marked the start of my 8th year with kids in the public school system. More importantly, it was the first time I left school at drop-off with no children. I’d like to say it was no big deal, but it was infinitely worse than I imagined. None of this has to do with the children. The children were fine, excited even. Today was selfishly about me. The kids, even our freshly-minted kindergartner, are pros at this school thing. They... [Read More]

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Not Celebrating the Start of School
By     |    Aug 27, 2015
Posted in: parenting     |    1 Comment

Not Celebrating the Start of School

I don’t share the same sentiments as some of my mama friends as the new school year begins. I won’t be celebrating my children heading back to school. I’ll be wondering where the last three months have gone and cursing the quick passage of time. Our youngest heads to kindergarten this year. Next week marks the first time in nearly 13 years that I’ve been without an extra shadow. There are no more little hands to hold as I run... [Read More]

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Hoodoos of Bryce Canyon National Park
By     |    Aug 22, 2015
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Hoodoos of Bryce Canyon National Park

Stand at any number of overlooks in Bryce Canyon National Park gazing at the colorful landscape of hoodoos and you’ll understand the definition of breathtaking. The shades of red, orange, white and gray layered on each other seem unreal. We stood at Sunset Point watching shadows shift and change among the hoodoos as the sun neared the horizon and knew we had to be down in the canyon. Our first hike in the park was down the switchbacks of Wall Street. You... [Read More]

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